One of my mates started chatting up the invigilator.

I spent the next few hours of the day typing BOOBS into my calculator.

I read an article about a gorilla that had an addiction to smartphones

I hate the dentist, but I like nicking the free toothpaste samples they have

I played the Ghostbusters theme to scare the ghosts off

He probably sits at home alone covered in tin foil

If it isn’t old women staring at my cock and balls, it’s window cleaners.

Some very exciting things totally happened today.

I had an old woman drive past and stare at my knob and bollocks.

I put the skull in my sandcastle bucket

Read an article on Uncle Fatty the monkey

It could be a Home Alone trap

I tried blowing on my ice cream to cool it down.

They had wallpaper of bricks?! What’s the point in that?

If I get eaten by a demon, I’m gonna be pissed off

I made sure to keep my mouth closed.

I came up with a TV show idea

You’re just a fat bloke in spandex at that point.

I fell in a hole while walking to science.

That’s a weird homework excuse.