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All bald men come from Birmingham

Mon 7th Feb 2022

Fell off the bus today because the steps were slippery. I looked like a right knob head.

Rob was showing me his stormtrooper keyring in form today. I said he must be a big Star Trek fan. I’m surprised I didn’t get a smack in the face.

Saw a video of a guy who smoked so much he now speaks in autotune. He probably also has lung cancer. Made me think about all the chavs in my school like Mason and Nancy and how they’ll probably end up like that.

I’m watching Edward try to play badminton as I write this. He didn’t hit a single one. Felt kinda bad for him. Most of the time he just stood in the middle of the court and watched his teammate do all the work. He looked like he just didn’t belong there.

Edward brought in an old thankyou card that Rob had given him when he was a toddler. It had a photo attached to it of baby Rob. Turns out Rob and Edward grew up together, I didn’t know that. The letter said “To Edward, just a little note to say thank you for the Mr. Potato-Head you sent me. Lots of love Robbie.” I’m now going to call Rob Robbie for the rest of his life to piss him off. What I found really funny was the photo attached. Rob looked really ugly as a toddler. I guess all young children look like E.T. though.

Edward also brought in a small blue elephant watering can he found in a car park. We filled it with Radnor Fizz and Rob drank some. He probably now has AIDS.

Read my poem about the fat man in the kayak to my English teacher. She said she loved it and wanted a copy. I’d have to be careful though because I didn’t want her showing it off to people and passing it off as her own. I might have to put a big water mark on it or something.

At lunch Edward was telling me about how all bald men come from Birmingham. Sounds about right.

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