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Fat man in his kayak

Weds 2nd Feb 2022

I came up with a poem about a fat man who fell out of his kayak.

“The wealthy man was an unhealthy man, too wide to have a ride in his kayak.

It would wobble and shake, what a mistake was the fat man and his kayak.

The boat would capsize, for it’s not wise for a fat man to own a kayak.

Everyone would laugh and stare because nothing could compare to a fat man rolling out of his kayak.

Waddling home sad and wet was the fat man who I bet went for a jog instead.”

In art, the girl sitting next to me said “there’s no such thing as fat”, she’s clearly never been to America.

I came up with an invention. You know those scratch and sniff stickers you’d get as a kid, I thought maybe you could make pants like that. Like a new sex toy thing. I’d call them scratch and sniff underwear. Good for couples. It’d smell like strawberries. I guess they’d only be single use though because the smell would go when you wash them. You’d have to buy them in packs like nappies.

Turns out the girl in maths yesterday wasn’t deaf, she just wasn’t listening to anything I was saying.

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