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The Beginning

Tues 1st Feb 2022

Felt tired this morning but still in an oddly good mood. My dog had an erection when I gave him his biscuit this morning before I left for the bus.

At the bus stop the two other kids were being knob heads and kicking a big stick around. Felt bad for the other normal bloke who had to put up with their shit.

Found out it was Chinese New Year in form because we watched a video about it. It was about a bunch of animals who had to cross a river in order to be first in the calendar. I think it’s a stupid story because the animals have the real-life characteristics of the animals like the pig being lazy and the rat being a prick, but none of them ate each other.

I don’t know if the Chinese are actually stupid enough to believe that actually happened or if they just think it’s a nice story. I wouldn’t put it past them though because everything in China is stupid. Especially the food.

There is nothing I hate more than the idea of zodiac signs and pseudoscience. I read somewhere that one in three people believe in all that. Sounds about right, most people in my school are retarded.

Break and lunch are the worst. It’s like the Travis Scott concert in there. People shoving about in a small, crammed area. One of the tall people taped a banana to the ceiling. I now have to avoid that area, so it doesn’t fall on me.

My stomach has been bubbling all day, but no one wants to use the school toilets because apparently the locks don’t work. I haven’t set foot in there since Alvin took a shit in the urinal anyway.

I’ve got double history this afternoon which I’m not looking forward to because last history lesson everyone thought I was weird because I burst out laughing when Edward ate his book.

I don’t know what lesson is more boring, maths or history. Last maths lesson was pretty funny though. I ended up shouting at a deaf girl. I didn’t know she was deaf, I had to tap her on the shoulder in the end to get her attention.

My arms and legs have been aching all day because yesterday I did a lot of weightlifting and squats so that I could fit into my Spider-Man costume better. I’m now going to do workouts with my brother every day.

I’m looking forward to my 200 lollipops arriving from Amazon because I’m hungry. They’re the same ones you’d get at the hairdresser when you were younger. Except I didn’t have to go to the hairdresser 200 times. I am a genius.

I had a conversation with Luke about getting circumcised. Apparently, it takes ten days to heal and he was telling me all about how he couldn’t go ten days without a wank because of hot girls on TikTok.

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