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You’re just a fat bloke in spandex at that point.

Sunday 10th April 2022

We had an extension on the house a few years back. That extension is now my brother’s bedroom. His new bedroom window overlooks my bathroom window. The bottom half of my bathroom window is frosted so that you can’t see in, but the top half isn’t because the people who designed the bathroom weren’t expecting people to be able to look in from above. This means my brother can see me whenever I’m taking a shit. The worst bit is that the window that overlooks my bathroom is the same window that his desk is facing, so he’s always looking out of it. I’m always scared he and his girlfriend spend all their spare time watching me wipe my arse. I wouldn’t put it past them.

I’m fucking knackered because I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m supposed to be doing revision, but I can’t focus on it. I was up all night because my brain was doing that thing where it plays back all the old memories of embarrassing things you’ve done throughout your life. I kept thinking about the time a girl I kinda liked invited me to a party. It was a party involving alcohol, not a bowling party. I got a bit drunk and took my shirt off. I can’t remember why, but I think it was to impress her. I then went home and realised I had left my shirt at her house. She then had to hand it to me the next day in a carrier bag. True story. I’m not very good with girls.

Saw a Spider-Man costume review on YouTube. It was some fat bloke dressed as Spider-Man. Spider-Man costumes are one of those things where it doesn’t matter how expensive the costume is, if you don’t have the right body type, you look like an utter idiot. If you’re skinny and dressed as Spider-Man, you look great, but if you’re fat and dressed as Spider-Man, you look nothing like him. You’re just a fat bloke in spandex at that point. Makes sense though, Spider-Man gets lots of exercise.

My brother had to go save his mate by picking him up from his girlfriend’s house because her mum walked in on them having sex. Apparently, she just walked in without knocking to give them sausage rolls. I don’t know If I would want to have sex in my house while I’m living with my parents. Too risky.

I remember my brother had his girlfriend round this one time and they were both piss drunk. I was sitting in the living room and watching a movie with my mum and dad when my brother casually walked down the stairs and into the kitchen naked, got a glass of water and went back upstairs. My mum said, “Is he wearing socks?” She didn’t even comment on the fact he was naked, just that he was wearing socks. That’s not the question I’d be asking. It was quite clear he was naked. I later asked him if they were having sex at the time, and he said yes. Did I need to ask that? Pretty obvious they were to be honest. What else do you get naked for?

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