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I saw a girl walk into a door.

Thursday 3rd Mar 2022

There was a spider on the toilet seat this morning. I went for a piss in the downstairs bathroom instead. I went back to it and smashes it with a tripod that I use for drum recordings. It fell on the floor and scuttled away. I hope it dies from blood loss. I don’t even know if spiders have blood. I just googled it and it turns out they do. They also don’t have bones, so the way they walk about is through blood flow in their legs or something. That means spiders are basically walking erections. It kind of comforts my arachnophobia to know that spiders are pretty much a more sophisticated version of my penis.

There was a guy eating a sandwich at the bus stop. The sandwich fell apart and the filling ended up on the floor. He looked sad, but the ants that went after it looked happy. I felt bad for him though.

In skills, Harry had a pen without the lid upside down in his breast pocket. The pen exploded and he got ink all over his nipple. He looked very silly.

I was watching Harry doing his business homework. He was working on a dog walking company called Waggies Walkies. That is the most stupid name for a company ever. Aside from Brian’s Bonanza. I’m surprised I remembered that.

At break, Edward had brought in his daily bit of rubbish for me to write about. This time, I don’t think it was rubbish and might actually be worth something. It was a Back To The Future cereal box. It was unopened. I reckon it might be worth a bit in the future because it’s one of those collectable things. Back To The Future fans might go mental over that in like 30 years’ time. Just like those old comics or those football cards or something. I wouldn’t find it hard to believe people spending stupid amounts of money on an old cereal box with mouldy cereal inside. We told Edward not to open it just in case.

Edward invited me to his birthday party. I wasn’t given a date or location, but I was told to write my name down on a piece of paper. Apparently it’s bowling or something. I can’t remember if I’m any good at bowling or not. Last time I went bowling I was too weak to lift the bowling balls, but since then I’ve been doing my workouts to look like Spider-Man. I’m quite happy I got invited to a party, I haven’t been invited to one in ages. Probably because of the virus.

Mark’s breath fucking stinks. I asked him if he brushed his teeth this morning and he said he didn’t because he woke up late. It smells like it. My dog’s breath smells better than his and they eat literal cow shit whenever we go for walks. I told him to put his face mask on.

I have double maths now. Great.

I saw a man having a tour of the school. He was walking around with his two daughters. The man looked exactly like Bill Murray. I love Bill Murray.

During maths, Emily went to go to the toilet. She wasn’t looking where she was going and walked into the door.

The girl sitting behind me was chewing gum. When she tried to talk to me, the gum fell out of her mouth and onto the table. I laughed.

In science, we had a test. Alvin (the guy who shat in the urinal that one time) fell off his stool. It made a huge thud because he’s very fat. I wonder what the people downstairs thought. They probably thought a bomb got dropped or something. It looked like he hit his head. I would be worried he has brain damage, but he can’t get any more retarded, so I wouldn’t be too concerned.

I told my mum about my day when I got home, and she said that I should never feel embarrassed because of all the idiots I see daily and how it can’t be as bad as them. I disagree. The time I fell off the bus was embarrassing and so was the time I accidentally slammed my crush’s fingers in a door.

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