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I tried blowing on my ice cream to cool it down.

Saturday 16th April 2022

I don’t know if they have autism in the animal kingdom, but I’m certain my dog has it. He threw up in the inn room we were staying at for the night. We were all worried because he threw up in the room, obviously, but it was all alright because he ate it all up again before we got the chance to try and clean it. Throwing up is your body’s way of getting rid of things, that idiot just ate all up again. There wasn’t a speck left. Saved us the work of cleaning it up though I guess.

Got on the ferry. I felt sick. I felt very bored as well because we were on the ferry for an hour. I went to the little shop area they had to go see if they had any magazines. They did, but they were just for old people. Makes sense because I haven’t really seen any young people in Scotland. Maybe it’s just a country for old people. That’s probably the reason my mum likes it here so much and I don’t. Anyway, all the magazines were meant for old people. There was one about lighthouses. Who wants to read a magazine about that? Apparently, there are only about 200 lighthouse keepers left in the world, so the demographic for that magazine is quite small.

They were selling other things in the shop too. I saw they were selling a Twister mat. I think Twister is the worst game to sell on a ferry because you can’t play it. The boat is rocking about all over the place. It’s simply not playable. They probably should have been selling Monopoly instead or something.

We drove straight to the beach when we arrived because we aren’t allowed in the holiday home place until half five. The beach was freezing and windy. There were blobs of white foam on the sand. I heard somewhere that if you see that on the beach, it’s whale sperm. Probably explains why there was a lot of it then. Whales must produce loads of the stuff.

I don’t usually like going to the beach because I get sand all in my shoes. That’s probably the worst feeling if you’re autistic. This time was no exception and it really pissed me off.

When we got back to the car, I thought “Oh fuck, where’s my headphones?!” Turned out I was wearing them, and I didn’t notice I had them on because I had accidentally turned the volume off.

The beach wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be. The last time I visited a beach was when I went to Cornwall, and I found a dead washed up sheep carcass. That was interesting. Nothing interesting here though. Maybe I’ll find something interesting later. Maybe I’ll find a dead cow or something.

We went to a restaurant for food. Until now, I haven’t seen anyone Scottish who isn’t really old. There was a waitress that didn’t look much older than me. I thought she looked alright. She was ginger though. Maybe Mark was right when he said that all the girls here are ginger. That’s a shame because I only really like brunettes.

They had bagpipes playing in the restaurant. I forgot Scotland had bagpipes. I would have thought twice about coming if I remembered that. I hate bagpipes; they are the most annoying instrument aside from the violin and the clarinet. It gave me a headache.

I’m really tired because my little sister was screaming at me last night because she’s a twat. I was so tired that I started blowing on my ice cream to try and cool it down. I bet I looked like a twat. I think everyone’s done that at some point though. I’ve done it before when I woke up early to catch a flight and had to quickly grab some breakfast. I was so tired I tried blowing on my Weetabix to try and cool it down even though I poured cold milk on it form the fridge. Maybe other people haven’t done that and I’m just a special breed of retard.

My dad stopped off at a petrol station. I had a browse of the magazines they had since they didn’t have any good ones on the ferry. I found some good ones. I’ll have a read of them later.

We finally made it to the holiday house. It’s alright. They had a gift basket with a bottle of gin inside. I didn’t know how high in concentration of alcohol gin was, so I poured myself a full glass. It was only then that I realised it was a mistake, but I already poured it and added some tonic water, so I had to drink it. Bad idea.

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