Friday 1st July 2022
Had a nightmare last night where it was pancake day, but instead of eating pancakes, everyone was eating deodorant and dying. I didn’t die though because I’d run out of deodorant, so I didn’t have enough left to kill me. Maybe that’s just my body’s way of reminding me to buy more deodorant.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, so I’ve stumbled upon this thing while researching how to sleep better. It’s called ASMR or autonomous sensory meridian response. It’s basically the modern equivalent of whale sounds. It’s a bunch of people making relaxing noises by tapping on shit and stuff. The one I find I like especially is the sound of rain and that. Just the sound of rain pitter pattering on stuff. Makes you feel safe. You know what I mean? I love being in bed during a storm.
Went to the pub for lunch. I got fish and chips. We sat inside because it was a bit chilly. The pub is proper old, so there are lots of photos inside of what it used to look like years ago. There was one photo that stood out to me. It was a photo of a bunch of dead cows piled up. Apparently, there was a thunderstorm or something and the cows all got struck by lightning. While it is an interesting story, I wouldn’t want a photo of a bunch of dead cows in my house.
My friend’s mum couldn’t make it to the prize giving thing yesterday, so she wanted the programme booklet from it. I didn’t want mine, so I offered to give her my copy. I walked to her house to post it. I got a bit hot walking back though, so I took my jacket off and tied it round my waist. For my birthday my brother got me a shirt that said “MILF” in big letters and “man I love frogs” in small letters underneath with a big picture of a frog on it. It just so happened that I was wearing this shirt today, so when I tied my shirt around my waist, it covered up the bit that said “man I love frogs”, so I was just wearing a shirt with MILF in big letters and a picture of a frog on it. I looked like a total nutter.
Right, today’s shit superpower. You can jump super high, but you have normal legs, so when you land, you either break your legs or die. I say this all the time, but I dunno when I’d need to super jump anyway.
I’m gonna be honest here, I’m running out of ideas for these superpowers very quickly, so maybe I won’t do it every day. A bit ironic the thing I made up to write about when nothing’s happening has run out before the thing I was worried about running out has. Do you know what I mean? Probably should’ve explained that better.