Saturday 25th June 2022
Maybe doing a diary over summer was a shit idea after all. Fuck all is going on. The most interesting thing that happened today was some new diaries I bought from Amazon arrived, but it turned out I had accidentally bought a bunch of Blu Tack instead. I have no clue how you could make that mistake, but leave it to me to be a retard I guess. I opened it and saw a massive packet of Blu Tack and thought “What the fuck is this”.
Apparently, my diary sold in the book shop I got it put in. There is a small book shop in town, and I asked for my diary to be put in there, and they said yes. My parents told me to make my diary into a book because it raises awareness for autism or something. About a week later, they had been sold. I had only put 2 in there. They had both been bought by the same person. Some old woman saw them in the shop and recognised them from TV and thought her grandson would love a copy. She noticed there was 2 and thought she’d get herself one. Remember what I said earlier about the news people not exactly describing it right? Yeah, I think that poor old woman probably thought it was a lovely book chatting about what it’s like to have autism. While that’s not wrong, it would be a bit of a shock to read me talking about getting shat on by birds constantly and making fun of fat people.
To add some stuff to this diary to make it less boring, I thought I’d use the same thing I did in the first diary when nothing was happening and would do some research into the weird stuff that is going on in the world. Just to make it look like my life is more interesting than it actually is. Like a bloke whose knob fell off, or Asian people eating mermaids or something. I read an article about some bloke in Russia who claims he was harassed by Bigfoot. It’s good already! Apparently, there are lots of theories as to what it actually was because he managed to catch it on video. The most popular theory seems to be that it isn’t actually Bigfoot, but a Yeti. Meanwhile others just say it could be a tall skinny bloke in glasses. There is a big leap from being either Bigfoot or a Yeti to some lanky bloke in glasses. I think it is quite likely Stephen Merchant went on holiday to Russia and got pissed off at some driver. You never know. Definitely seems more plausible than a Yeti though.
I was going to research other news stories, but the news website I was using was incredibly shit and kept glitching. It bugged out and opened a news story about a woman who revealed a technique to make her partner “orgasm like Niagra Falls”. I instantly closed that tab because I didn’t want any of that on my search history. Bloody shit website. I’ll definitely re-visit it again though.