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She had one big nostril.

Friday 25th Mar 2022

I’m not the smartest man on Earth. I forgot to bring my diary into school today, so I’m writing this on a piece of scrap paper.

The bus journey was shit. There was a girl making weird and annoying noises. She sounded like if a cat got hit by a car. She might have been singing, but I couldn’t tell because I had put my headphones on to drown it out.

A kid ran into me in the corridor. He then shouted at me saying I pushed him even though he ran into me. His other friends came over and started having a go at me. They were all year 7s. I don’t think I want kids when I’m older.

In form, Rob got a really shitty song stuck in my head. It was the song Starships. I hate that song. I can never remember any of the lyrics either, so I just have “Starships were meant to fly” on loop in my head. Annoying.

We had a quiz in form. It’s a quiz that the teachers make that is given to every form in the year. They put the questions on the electronic whiteboard, and we have to answer them. I was in one of the questions. The question was “Who comes first in the register?” I come first because my name starts with an A. When they showed the answers, they had a picture of me. It wasn’t the most flattering picture of me because it’s the picture they have on the register. I still look pretty good though.

We had PSHE, it was about drugs. We watched a video about them. The video was supposed to make us scared of drugs, but it actually made them look really fun. If anything, I want to try drugs after that video. Not a very good video then.

We were told about an EastEnders actress who snorted so much cocaine her septum fell out. Your septum is the thing that separates your nostrils by the way. This meant she just had one big nostril. That must have looked hilarious. Apparently, she had surgery to have a new one put in or something. I wonder if she can take it out and put it back in again like a glass eye. That’d be a cool party trick. Giving yourself one big nostril. Dunno if that’d make kids laugh or cry, it would be kinda weird.

I remember when I was younger, I saw a video of a man with no eyes playing piano. It scared the shit out of me. I thought he was a monster until I learned that people like that actually exist and that he was actually just disabled. I feel kinda bad for thinking that now.

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