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That’s a weird homework excuse.

Thursday 7th April 2022

Read an article about a UFO expert who admitted that his many years of UFO spotting might have been a result of his dodgy eyesight. This is one of the few articles I’ve read that have actually made sense. The funny thing is that I then found another article shortly after about a professional spoon bender who claims he got his powers when he was young because of an encounter he had with a UFO. Judging by the fact he’s a professional spoon bender, I wouldn’t take his word for it. I just thought it was funny that the first bloke genuinely believed he was seeing UFOs but then realised they were because of his shit vision, whereas the second bloke is completely bullshitting because spoon bending is a party trick, not alien technology.

We had homework due today. Rob said he forgot it because he was going to do it last night, but he didn’t get round to it because “Shit literally hit the fan.” That’s a weird homework excuse. That’s like taking the dog ate my homework to another level. Having someone shit on a fan is pretty weird.

Never mind, he just explained to me it’s a phrase and he didn’t actually mean it literally, even though he literally said, “shit literally hit the fan.” I don’t think people should say the word “literally” if it’s a phrase. I think it ruins the point of it being a saying, you know what I mean? Don’t blame me for thinking someone literally shat on a fan which resulted in him not doing his homework. He did say the word “literally” alright. I’m not stupid for that.

Apparently, we have leavers’ day on the same day as prom night. That is completely retarded because that’s not even our last day. You can dress up as whatever you want on leavers’ day. My mates and I were talking about what we wanted to come as. I think I’ll come in dressed as Spider-Man.

I’m planning on playing the greatest prank ever on leavers’ day. My plan is to fill an inflatable sex doll with helium and letting it go in the sports hall. I chose the sports hall because it has the highest ceilings, so they wouldn’t be able to get it down. I have no idea how I would fill it up though. Helium canisters are quite expensive, and I can’t exactly take it down to the card shop and go “Hi, could you fill this up for me please?” I’ll figure it out later.

When I got home, there was some bloke going door to door selling stuff. My dad says they’re dodgy people because they might have a look inside your house through the front door when you open it to see if there’s anything they want to nick. Apparently, they like stealing things. My dad opened the door. The man said “Hi, sorry to disturb you but…” “Sorry, I’m not interested” my dad said as he shut the door in his face. Fair enough. To be honest though, there’s not many valuables to steal in our hallway so he didn’t miss out on much. Unless he likes family photos.

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