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The right nipple is Rob's favourite

Thursday 5th May 2022

I’ve been planning to dance with Grace, but I’ve just realised something. I have no idea how to dance with someone. Thought I’d do some research into dances. The tango… the waltz… the macarena… yeah, I can’t do any of these. I guess I’ll just stick to practicing my moonwalk then.

In skills, Nancy (the girl who shows me her sex videos) got me to sign her shirt because it’s leavers’ day tomorrow and everyone will be in home clothes or dressed up, so we had to sign each other’s shirts today. She made me sign her boobs. Of course she did.

Most of the people in my school are drug addicts, so they were asking each other to draw a spliff on their shirts. A spliff is the thing you use to smoke weed by the way. The drawings weren’t any good because the people drawing them are retards. It didn’t end up looking like a spliff at all. It looked more like a mint Cornetto.

I didn’t want to get my shirt signed because it’ll just sit in my wardrobe gathering dust. I’ll never look at it again. Pointless. I also don’t want people signing my shirt because they’ll just draw a massive cock and bollocks or something. Someone had written “I love kids” on Alvin’s back in big letters and he hadn’t noticed. As if he didn’t already look like a massive idiot.

One of my mates asked me to sign their shirt, so I just put an @ to my Instagram on his back. He’s now a walking advertisement for me. Genius.

My mates were playing a game where you had to draw an x where you thought the other person’s nipple was. It’s like a weird version of pin the tail on the donkey. We then labelled the right nipple as being “Rob’s favourite”.

My Indian mate has “Sex is £12.50” and “BJ is £10” written on his back. We wanted to write tikka masala on his back, but he said that was too far.

I’m dressing up as Spider-Man tomorrow. I have noticed a bunch of moths in my house recently. I hope they don’t eat my Spider-Man costume. I don’t see what they get from eating clothes. Surely, they can’t taste all that good. Although, in my primary school, there was this girl that was always chewing on her sleeve, so maybe not then.

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