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We did a pancake race. I came last.

Tuesday 1st Mar 2022

I found a lucky penny at the bus stop today. I don’t believe in luck, but it made me happy.

I’m quite tired because I was up late last night practicing my dance moves. Prom is about 2 or 3 months away and I want to impress all the girls.

I need to get a haircut because my hair is absolutely mad. I have thick curly hair, so if I don’t get it cut for a while it turns into a sort of afro.

Martin messaged me. He’s the one who looks like Jabba the Hutt by the way. Apparently, the girl he’s dating sat on his lap. LUCKY MOTHERFUCKER! Honestly! The things I would do for a hot girl to sit on my lap. Maybe in college. Good for him though I guess.

There was an old lady smoking at the bus stop. She kept coughing. I did that thing where you would hold your breath around people smoking so you don’t get lung cancer.

It’s pancake day today. We did a pancake race. I came last.

I tripped and fell over while walking to English. I don’t think I’ll ever get a girl to sit on my lap at this rate.

In English, the teacher said I shouldn’t have sex because I shouldn’t reproduce. I said, “I’m going to have loads of sex when I’m older.” Everyone heard me.

At break, Edward had brought in a list of all the things he likes and dislikes. I copied them out.


- Space Jam

- Food

- BBQ sauce

- Jam spoon

- Candle wax

- Liquid candle wax

- Yankee candle

- The phrase “like a razor blade on a cat wheel”

- Planes

- Murderers

- Old Top Gear

- Ball pits

- Pinball machines

- Stuff I find on the floor

- Pizza

- Atomic Pizza

- Me

- Dogs

- My dog

- Bowling


- New Top Gear

- Backwash

- My sister

- Space Jam 2

- The gay man

- New girl

- The word chimney

- Glitter Force


- Funerals

- Weddings

- Rob talking about some stupid fucking podcast

- Art

- The people that closed down Atomic Pizza

- People who murder murderers.

I think that should give you a good idea as to what Edward’s like. I don’t understand why he wrote a lot of that stuff down. Don’t know why he likes murderers, seems a bit weird. I can understand hating weddings and all that though because they’re boring.

At lunch, Edward brought in his pudding spoon. He uses the exact same spoon to eat all of his puddings. He also never washes it. I said we should put it in the toilet, but he wouldn’t let me.

Grace looks grumpy. I don’t know why. I’m shit at reading people.

Rob bench pressed Edward. I was very impressed.

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